Shortly after 9 am one beautiful, quiet, sunny day in May, 2016, at the age of 57, after 33 years of marriage, in the prime of my wonderful life, as a mother of 3 grown children and grandmother of 8, I woke up on the front line of a serious battle. My marriage was ending. He was leaving, and although God is slowly revealing the truth to me, at the time, I didn’t really know why. I was hurt, betrayed, disappointed, wounded, confused, and filled with questions I couldn’t get answers to - sometimes, even God was silent. I was unsure where reality stopped and tormenting imagination took over. I was angry. I was broken. I felt like my soul had evaporated. I couldn’t breathe. I was traumatized, extremely depressed, and embarrassed. I couldn’t stop obsessing about the very thing I wanted to forget.

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I felt abandoned, naked, vulnerable, alone, numb, anxious, and panicky. I couldn’t sleep. I lost my appetite. I had no desire to socialize. All I wanted to do was crawl up into a ball and disappear. I couldn’t make it through a sentence without crying and wailing. The pain started out as emotional trauma, but soon it was so intense that my physical heart ached as well. All night – all day.

 

The pain from that first day in May led me into fasting and prayer, spiritual warfare, mental health counseling, researching, journaling, a lot of reading, and spiritual growth I never imagined possible. I learned to forgive, to trust, to hope, and to live again.

 

Five months later, the "process" my therapist advised me to trust gave birth to the P31 Warriors Ministry. Someone very special to me prayed that I would find a "Fun, Fierce Force" to lead me on my journey of self-rediscovery and the awesome life God had waiting for me.

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Well, I did find my “Fun, Fierce Force”. God gave me a word, a vision, a song, and a strategic plan to help myself and others like me reclaim the promises He lays out in His word for His daughters. And here it is!

 

I was amazed as I discovered how He used my healing journey to impact those around me as well. Realizing what a marvelous work He had done, and continues to do, I was inspired to share the process with others in need of hope and encouragement as well.

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I learned to identify and believe in the God in me, through my relationship with Jesus Christ and His Holy Bible. I learned Whose I am, Who I am, and Why I am, Where I am! I learned how to reclaim everything that was stolen from me during the battle and the years leading up to it.

I learned to identify the thief, who had come to ‘kill, steal, and destroy’ everything pertaining to the wonderful, abundant life God had planned for me. Most importantly, I learned how to:

 

• Survive

 

• Revive

 

• Thrive

 

• Keep my Faith walk Alive

 

...through prayer, spiritual warfare, and therapeutic dance.

 

Right now, no matter where you are in your process... hurting, overwhelmed, discouraged... maybe so deep in despair that your tears are falling on this page, as you’re reading it - I know that you want more than anything to believe there is hope. You want to know that the ache in your stomach won’t last forever. I know. I was there. But now, we are here. God, you, me, and our fellow P31 Warriors, standing together to fight the good fight, and move on to victory.

 

You will get through this. Not by accident. By divine design. This is the beginning of our 8-week, P31 Warrior Spiritual Journey. Together, by the grace of God, some of us have already made it from the worst days of our lives to this place, where we are standing in peace, joy and strength, and you can do it too. Let's see what exciting times of victory, joy, fulfillment, and purpose in Him we have yet to discover!”

 

​- Mary Squire, Founding Warrior

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As a Co-Founding Warrior, I realized that I had spent the last 15 years in a mentally and emotionally abusive marriage. I had lost my dignity, self-worth and self-confidence.  Without realizing it, I had allowed myself to be dominated and under narcissistic control. I didn’t have the strength to speak up, or to leave.

 

In 2016, God intervened and removed me from my circumstances. If He wouldn’t have saved me, I don’t believe I would have ever left.  I was devastated, without hope, and had lost everything. I found myself crying out to God, day in, and day out.

 

One day, as I was crying and distraught, Mary Squire ministered to me, even though she was going through a traumatic experience herself. She was selfless, and so giving. She prayed for, and with me, read scriptures and passages from spiritual books to me, and truly befriended me. Because of her loving and caring heart, she helped me deal with my traumatic experience.

 

As I continue to grow stronger in Christ and get healed through Him, I can say that I am no longer the same person I once was. My days of crying have lessened, and I’m learning how beautiful and valuable I am in God’s eyes. I believe in the God in me. 

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​- A CoFounding Warrior 

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MY STORY

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“The Lord is my shepherd…, I know the plans I have for you…, Walk by faith…”.  I knew all the scriptures and lived by them, to a point.  I began to walk by sight rather than by faith and what I saw was ugly.

 

I had lived a life for about 30+ years, of which I lived at least 20 of them, invincible. When I tried to change or correct that, I got some serious resistance.  So, I walked out of a 31-year marriage and got a divorce.  Life kept going though and I found myself walking around in the wilderness…lost with no purpose.  Not sure of anything because of what had happened made me question/doubt everything.  When my mother passed away and I got laid off from work, I could not take anymore.  I fainted or at best, gave up. Because of the guilt, shame, being lost, unable to think, make decisions and unable to get it together, I hid for about 3 years.  Only coming out to do things that were really, necessary. God used my granddaughters, who visited with me every weekend, to keep me alive until my change would come.

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Then came Mary, my best friend of 30+ years and our P31 Ministry Founder.  Her life had blown up like mine did and while in the process of helping her through hers, God helped me.  It brought up my event as if it just happened, but it had been about 6 or 7 years earlier.  I never dealt with it, just kept going. Then life finally caught up with me and I was consumed by the sadness, loneliness and all the other emotions, so I gave up. . .stopped living. But God had other plans. He called Mary to establish the P31 Warriors Ministry. I thought it was an excellent idea, as her fruit was so obvious since her event began.  I began to change from editing the ministry’s writing materials.  I was further changed when I became a Co-founder of the ministry. Though, when I was asked, I thought to myself. . .me? The one who walked by sight rather than by faith? . . .the one who fainted when scripture says do not faint, etc. God let me know that He loves me, and I cannot change that, but in Him, I can change my behavior.  Through God, via P31 Warriors Ministry, my life has changed. Firstly, God used the ministry to save my life. And secondly to give me life. It continues to help me live a full life in the Lord. I thank all my P31 Warrior Sisters for lovingly supporting me through my spiritual journey. Thank you, Lord Jesus and Father God, for loving me. I am a P31 Warrior and I believe in the God in me!!

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​- A CoFounding Warrior 

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